***The Cancer Desert***

**** These are my thoughts from the Huntsman Cancer Center, its not about LoLo's mission this time, I am being selfish and wanting to write my memories down, before I lose the feeling. Thanks for your understanding.
Dear Family and Friends, loved ones, flight attendants, nurses, doctors, Costco employees, police men, Air Med studly handsome men and little children pulling red wagons. I am now home. Praise the Lord !!
Finally.....there are so many emotions in my heart and mind right now, it's hard to know where to begin and where to end. The joys, the sorrows, the fear and tears in the patients roaming the cancer desert with be with me forever. A simple procedure, much like the surgery I had in Dec. took a turn for the worst and became a complication hell for me. Could it be that I was practically curled into a fetal position for 4 days due to lack of calcium in my blood. I couldn't hold a spoon or cup to my mouth. The sweets aids had to feed me as my hands were so curled inward they would not work. Maybe the fact that I was on the critical condition list for 5 days with residents, doctors and blood specialists not knowing how to " fix" me. Bless their tired souls. Before my para-thyroid quit working I had the opportunity to walk the halls of Huntsman Cancer level 5..I chose to use my laundry basket as an walking aid, as those thin tin walkers made to much noise. The only thing separating me from housekeeping was the blood down the front of my gown and a tube draining out of my neck I got a few smiles and laughs and that made it worth it.For all of you who know me, I have a tendency to talk to everyone. As I watched other cancer victims stroll towards me, I had a chance to study their faces Pale, drawn, deep sadness, eyes brimming with fear and pushing their life on a 5 legged cart hoping not to stumble or accidentally unplug their transit life support. I made the point of talking to each and everyone. I wanted to learn their name, to let them know they are someone and will be remembered with love. No one wants to die thinking they will not be remembered . My Angel at Huntsman was a handsome man named Bill. My second day I spotted him in the corner by the window overlooking the mountains covered in fresh snow. He looked at me and motioned me over. Bill stood up and took my hand. Bill had such a sweet gentle countenance. he told me I was "radiant", like a light beaming and glowing. He asked me how do you stay so radiant/Well, at the time I was pretty wiped out with a migraine, so where he saw light, I don't know. Bill proceeded to tell me of his dear wife off 60 plus years who is struggling after surgery. The surgeons got her tumor but her complications were very severe and the Doctors once again were puzzled. Bills voice was ever so soft, like a whispering angel. My Mr. Bill told me stories about the Father and his love for all his children and we must help the Father's children and buoy up their spirits and keep our eternal perspective insight. Bill spoke to me as if he knew every question spinning in my head. I just knew he was an angel or messenger sent to help me through this horrific time in my life. with Laura 3,000 miles away and not knowing what was happening to me. The Lord send one of his angels to me so I wouldn't be alone. Bill just kept telling me stories that had the answers I needed to hear. With no prodding along, just letting him talk,he one by one answered some of my most deepest questions. I was mesmerized by his ability to "read" me, and then give me such simple advice, I knew he was a very powerful man of God. When he said he had been friends with" Hinks" for 50 years, it validated all my thoughts of him. Even though he knew some answers, Bill was scared for his sweetie and her pain and suffering. He shared very tender moments with me and he always made me cry. Bill relayed a story to me about a conversation with President Hickley many years ago. Bill asked President Hinckly " do you know all the answers". President Hinckly lightly tapped his cane a couple times, grinned that elfin smile and said 'NO" no I don't know all the answers, we need to have faith. I am sure there was more to the conversation than that. But it was what I needed to hear. To have faith. On Valentines day I woke up to my laundry basket missing and a tin walker in its place, but at least they decorated it with Bows and red and pink hearts. I thought the day was going to be okay. Then it happened.... my face went numb, I lost all muscle strength and my hands started too curl in. I was near the Residents and they immediately started tapping on my temples. locating the nerve that shows calcium levels dropping. I could barely stand up. The Resident doctors needed to converse among themselves. They sent the IV gals to my room to start an IV for liquid calcium to get into my body fast, as I was going into tet-ney shock. No vein could be found that wouldn't blow out after inserting the IV. So they called in the Air Med guys, who can always find a vein, even with one leg hanging out a helicopter. Jeff was his name and Hot was his game. He too couldn't do it. He was so frustrated , he would look for a different spot start over and blow, my arms looked like black and blue clouds. I was getting really scared,What will you do to get a vein? I asked. We have to call in a special vascular team that does this mini operation in the room. The right arm already so fragile and tender was once again the target. I had a tourniquet on for 20 minutes, the specialist tried 3 times and said "I quit, I'm not going to beat her up any more" The pain was excurating.
They said they were going to get me a relaxer to help the veins open up. I asked for a Priestood blessing.
As I had a medicine under my tounge to get in my veins faster, the team prepared for the other arm. The loud speaker which is rarely used called for worthey LDS Elders to room 5523. I hobbled into the bathroom to pray.

1. I came out calmly climbed back on my bed and prepared my self for another mini operation. In walks but who..... My Mr. Bill, prepared to give me.. his new friend a Priesthood blessing. The doors were gently closed, there were 4 in the room, each with great respect for what this valiant man of God was preparing to do. When I saw him I immediately relaxed and felt the comforter's arms around me. His sweet blessing brought me strength, faith and courage to endure the trials of mortality. As soon as he finished, the doors flew open and the vascular team came in with their rolling carts of magic. The young nurse who performed the next central line, she found a big ole fat vein and marked it. With in 5 minutes the line was inserted, taped and ready to go. No pain, or marks. One of the nurses said" thank goodness for drugs" and the sweet technician said " a Priesthood blessing didn't hurt either. I looked at her and asked" are you LDS" she said yes. and I said thank-you, she hugged me and left. If that wasn't a faith a promoting experience, I don't know what is. Everyone was in awe at how fast she did her specialty with God's help guiding her trained hands. It was now 3 pm in the afternoon, this had taken 5 hours start to finish. I had time to reflect on the Savior in his Garden of Gethsemane and the pain He went thru for each and everyone of us. How grateful I am for his atoning sacrifice for me. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. I now had a small wire/tube, able to access blood and feed calcium at the same time. With in minutes I was walking up and down the halls in my beautiful tin red and pink walker. I felt on such a spiritual high. I wanted to help everyone else. So on Sunday, when they were about to start Sacrament in the Chapel I sat down at the piano and played the prelude music. Then the Sacrament song. I sat there with my heart full of joy and gratitude for my experiences at the Huntsman. I could write a book of what happened and where I saw the hand of God. My sister Mary called a few days later and said crying" you were all alone, " I said "Mary, I needed to be alone so I could depend upon the Father and Faith". It was nothing short of a miracle. and I had lived through many scary things, and God was right here beside me. It was amazing. I know this blog post is long and you might not want to read it at all. and that's okay, I guess I wrote it for my records. I am still struggling with my calcium and it is a day to day challenge. I was one of the lucky ones I met many wonderful people, doctors, nurses, my experience in the Cancer desert will be with me forever. " Stay on the right side of the light side" I love you all, and thank you for your encouragement to our missionary Laura. she is back in Greece, and working on the investigators she left. Pray for her to have the desire and strength to continue on and change people's lives. Laura is awesome and I am so proud of her. Thanks you again for everything in our behalf. love a missionary mommy